


Goodbye, Caroline

by FuchsiaMae



Category: Portal (Video Game), Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical - geekenders
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2019-08-01 23:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16293680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuchsiaMae/pseuds/FuchsiaMae
Summary: What if Cave was still alive when Caroline was uploaded?(Originally posted to Tumblr 3/10/15)





	Goodbye, Caroline

He stayed and watched. Not in the room, of course – he couldn’t stand by to hold her hand, he’d only get in the way – but above, gazing down from an observation window as techs bustled about. In the center of the lab, she sat strapped to a chair, dwarfed by the immense machine looming over her. She looked small and fragile beneath it, shivering in her thin hospital gown. Her body was dotted with electrodes, computers tracking her body’s every move, colors on monitors blipping in time to her heartbeat. A large clamp circled her clean-shaven head. It sat open right now, but once things got underway it would close tight around her skull to immobilize her. A single flinch could ruin everything. 

She sat still now. She gave up struggling almost an hour ago, but they left the gag in her mouth in case she tried to bite or scream again. Tear tracks streaked her face. She looked so scared…

But it had to be this way. They’d tried dozens of scans on his own brain, and every result was the same – the moonrocks had done too much damage. He couldn’t go into a supercomputer with a brain that looked like Swiss cheese. On top of that, the lab boys said, the stress of the procedure would probably kill him before they got anywhere. He was too frail. It had to be someone younger and stronger, whom he could trust to take his place. 

It had to be her. It could only be her. 

She didn’t understand, he reminded himself for the millionth time as her protests rang in his memory. How could she? She wasn’t the one who was dying. He’d save himself if he could, but science was too late for him. It was time to… well, put his affairs in order. And that meant making sure she was taken care of. 

Aperture would be in good hands. She’d be safe from pain and death, forever. They could keep doing science. He’d still be dead, but apart from that, everybody won. Why couldn’t she see it?

This was the right thing to do, he was sure. Her bloodshot brown eyes still brimmed with fear. 

The scientists swirled around her, a sea of white coats, prepping her and a dozen delicate instruments for the operation. She struggled some more as they adjusted her restraints, like an untrained test subject with no appreciation for the work they had to do. He felt a jab of secondhand embarrassment. She’d always been the first to talk about how sacrifices must be made for science – now it was her turn, and suddenly she balked. Her cowardice disappointed him. 

They poked and prodded her, adjusting equipment, jotting notes on their clipboards, and her eyes darted back and forth to follow each one. It was almost time for them to begin – but rather than watch them ready the scalpels, her gaze flicked upward. To the man above. Through the observation window, their eyes locked. 

He saw love and pain and fear, identical to his own, reflected in her face. 

Then a man in white approached with gleaming blade in hand. She felt only pressure,  but a stab of terror lanced through her as he pressed it to her skin. Anesthetic could only dull so much. Her eyes squeezed shut as blood began to pour, and though the glass was soundproof and the gag still filled her mouth, he could see her scream.

He’d meant to stay, he really had, but when she opened her eyes again he was gone. 

* * *

Days went by before he returned. His health had faltered, and without his loyal caretaker, he wasn’t likely to bounce back. Losing her had no doubt cut years from the time he had left. But that didn’t matter if she was alright.

She wasn’t. He went down to the lab, asking to see her, but the scientists told him it wasn’t that simple. They had her neural imprints, but a human life was a lot to untangle. It would be a long time still before they made sense of it all, longer still before she was anything like a person again. He probably wouldn’t live to see it.

That he hadn’t considered. He was supposed to see her safe and happy, running the facility like even he never could, before he took his long sleep. That was the whole damn  _point_. If he died without hearing her voice again…

Suddenly the old man felt very alone. 

So he did the only thing he knew how to do, when things looked grim and he wasn’t sure where to turn. Disregarded by the lab techs, he pulled a folding chair over to the immense machine and sat down to talk to his assistant. 

“Hey, kiddo.”

He looked up, and up, and up at the towering computer. His girl was in there somewhere. Or she might be. He didn’t even know if the procedure had worked, or if it has simply killed her – with the system offline, she was Schrodinger’s woman, alive and dead until someone pressed the power button. Part of him didn’t want to find out.

But he had to believe she was there. He had to, or the guilt would knock him dead on the spot. So he looked up at the machine and hoped that somehow, she could hear him. 

“I’m not sorry." 

Her face appeared in his mind, as he’d last seen her, screaming. 

"I’m not.”

Her eyes had been so full of fear.

“I know you were scared, but I did what I had to do. And now you’ll be okay. You’re gonna live forever!” His voice cracked as he smiled in pain. “D'you get it now?”

Tightness squeezed his chest, and he braced himself for a coughing fit. He wasn’t ready for the tears that pricked his eyes. 

“It had to be you, Caroline, it had to be you. Who else could it be? You were…” The lump in his throat threatened to choke him. He swallowed against it. “You were always the very best.”

The machine remained cold and silent.

“They’re telling me I’ll be dead by the time you wake up. I didn’t want that. Guess I didn’t think it through that far.” His bitter chuckle became a cough on his lips. “You know me, diving in headfirst, not looking at what’s in front of me. That’s how I got those damn moonrocks in the first place. But y'know? We did science, and science doesn’t look back. You keep on doing science after I’m gone.”

Hearing himself talk had always made him feel better, but then, he’d always had someone else to listen. Now he was just an old man talking to himself. He could only pretend for so long.

He sighed. “I miss you, Caroline. G'bye.”

Then he stood and limped away, leaning heavy on his cane, not looking back as he left the lab. He never made it there again. Cave Johnson’s assistant would live forever, but he himself did not.


End file.
